Lessons from Mom

This weekend marks one year since Mom passed away. Losing people right before Christmas isn't new to me. I lost my little sister to a brain tumor almost fifty years ago on December 13 and my mother's mother died just before Christmas. Since this year was a year of much loss, my dog, my mom, and my dad plus a battle with breast cancer, this weekend doesn't seem particularly troubling. But I do want to honor the woman who gave me life and comforted and supported me right up to her end. She was generous to a fault, a martyr on behalf of her family, creative, humorous and loved by many. I can tell many stories about Mom, not all flattering, she was human after all, but there are a handful of things that stand out and are always near and dear to me.

One thing I recall from my childhood was summertime. I never got bored. Mom always had ideas of things we could do, there were chores, and she made sure we spent almost the entire day outside. There were summer Kool Aid stands, back in the days when you had to mix it yourself with water and sugar. We had to use the spigot on the side of the house to avoid coming and going inside all the time. And there were a couple years of summer carnivals. I never join the official groups that raised money for children's charities but we did send the money to the needy. My parents bought me a magic set and I learned the tricks so I could be the carnival magician and one of my friends and I also gave singing performances, using the ends of a jump rope for our microphone. But the best ideas were Mom's.

Mom came up with this plan for us to hide on the front porch with bags full of candy, like miniature Tootsie Rolls. The neighborhood kids would pay to "go fish" and throw their lines up over the rail where we would attach their prizes. Mom also got dressed like a clown, brought the bathroom scale out to the yard, and guessed weights. She was never afraid to make a fool of herself, and she never did. She was a divine clown.

Yet another thing I remember about mom was that she was both creative and thrifty. One year we didn't have enough money for Christmas. Mom showed us how to make our gifts and we sat with her and made every ornament that went on the tree that year. I loved that so much that in my older years, the first tree I had as an adult was decorated with handmade ornaments of my own. And Mom taught me to sew. She made every outfit for my dolls and the furniture for my Barbie doll house.

One last thing I'll tell you, I never in my entire life came home to an empty house. Mom worked during the lean years, but she was always home before we arrived, at least until I was in High School. In my junior and senior years, she worked in a pizzeria and hired me to work with her.

Five Lessons from Mommy

1. The More the Merrier: you can never have too many friends or too many helping hands. Never ever leave anyone out.

2. Forgive and Forget: Let the old stuff go. Forgive those who hurt you. If they make amends, get on with your relationship. If they don't, just move on. But never hold a grudge.

3. There is always someone who needs it more than you do: Get over yourself. There are not that many things in life that really matter except family and how we treat others.

4. You'll Be Better Before You Get Married: whatever your pain is, realize that it is temporary and it won't last forever.

5. Whatever You Want to Do, You Can Do: she believed in us and taught us to believe in ourselves. If we set our minds to it, there isn't anything we can't do.

Mommy, I miss you everyday. I know the last couple years were hard on you and you are now resting more comfortably. You are with my sister and Dad, and I've sent the children of friends who have passed for you to comfort because you loved children so much. Someday we'll all be together again, but for now watch over us and help me continue to live the life you wanted, the life you gave me. Love you Mom.

The Empty Cage

Copyright©Czarnota 2010
No portion of this story may be recorded in any form without permission of the author. Permission is given to share as long as the author is given credit.

The Empty Cage
An Original Story

In all the discussions of at-risk youth and story for healing, we should not lose sight of our compassion for the mother who has lost her child to the wilderness, and she should show kindness to herself also. The following story was written for my friend whose daughter ran away, leaving two more teens still living at home. All three children were adopted and their new parents always had, and still have, great hopes for them.
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One day a young woman walked through the woods to fetch berries. She had a small basket over her arm that swung merrily to and fro. As the woman neared a woodland pond, she heard the unmistakable chirping of young birds nearby. Sure enough, three tiny, downy soft baby birds came toddling out of the bushes and gathered around her feet.

“Where is your mother?” asked the woman softy. She looked here and there in the underbrush. She found an abandoned nest and the young birds continued to chirp loudly.

“You’re hungry little ones,” she said as she took plump berries from the basket to feed them. They eagerly devoured them.

Gently, the young woman tucked each birdling into the pockets of her apron and carried them home.

“They have no one,” she told her husband. “Can’t we care for them?”

The couple had no children and the husband was enamored of the young birds too. “Yes,” he replied smiling. “We can keep them. Tomorrow I will make a beautiful cage that they will be safe and comfortable.”

The next morning dawned crisp and bright. Before the woman rose from sleep, her husband busied himself in his work shed. All morning she heard pounding, sanding, and scraping until at last he emerged holding a lovely cage. It was delicate, but sturdy and carved with intricate designs of the forest.

“Oh, how wonderful!” his wife exclaimed as she hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. “What a fine place to live.”

She searched the warm place behind the kitchen stove and found the little chicks cuddled together. “Come my precious ones and see your new home.”

The birds were placed in the cage and the door was closed carefully behind them. They looked splendid, happy, and safe.

Every day the young couple admired their charges. They spoke to them, fed them, and kept them clean and warm. Every day the young chicks grew. Finally, they were no longer babies. They had grown into beautiful adolescents. Their soft down was replaced with larger feathers in many colors. The young birds loved their home and the couple, but as the days went by they longed for the life they saw beyond the cage walls. They could see the sunshine and the forest through the window. They could smell the fresh breezes of a new spring. The oldest of the three longed so much that her heart was breaking. One night, she made good her escape.

Oh, the next morning was frantic. “Husband! Husband,” cried the woman. “One of our children is missing!”

Running into the room, the man saw it was so. His wife broke into tears and he wiped a few away himself.

“What are we to do, Husband?”

“Take joy in the two who are left to us, Wife. Perhaps the other will return.”

The man made certain the cage door would not open again. He wrapped it with wire, tighter than before, but it was not to keep the second or third young one from leaving. They were determined to find a way, and one morning the cage lay completely empty.

The couple was sad. The woman’s heart longed for their soft chirping and the touch of their soft wings, but mostly her heart yearned to have someone for whom to care. With a great heaviness in her heart, the young mother walked through the wood, hoping to catch a glimpse of them. They were nowhere to be seen. Yet, she never gave up hope. Years passed and daily she walked through the forest, cage in hand. Until one day, she heard them. In the trees above her head, she heard them singing near the pond.

“Oh Our Mother, how we love you. Oh Our Father, how we love you. Thank you for our lives and love. Thank you for all you have done. You were always near. We are always here.”

The woman sat hard upon the ground. She was surprised and amazed by their words. She stood and held up the cage. She swung it once, twice, three times over her head and threw it into the pond.

Now every day an old woman walks through the woods and listens. Sometimes the wood is silent, but sometimes she hears birds singing.

“We are always here.”

And she knows her children are safe and happy. What more does a mother ask.