Lessons from Mom

This weekend marks one year since Mom passed away. Losing people right before Christmas isn't new to me. I lost my little sister to a brain tumor almost fifty years ago on December 13 and my mother's mother died just before Christmas. Since this year was a year of much loss, my dog, my mom, and my dad plus a battle with breast cancer, this weekend doesn't seem particularly troubling. But I do want to honor the woman who gave me life and comforted and supported me right up to her end. She was generous to a fault, a martyr on behalf of her family, creative, humorous and loved by many. I can tell many stories about Mom, not all flattering, she was human after all, but there are a handful of things that stand out and are always near and dear to me.

One thing I recall from my childhood was summertime. I never got bored. Mom always had ideas of things we could do, there were chores, and she made sure we spent almost the entire day outside. There were summer Kool Aid stands, back in the days when you had to mix it yourself with water and sugar. We had to use the spigot on the side of the house to avoid coming and going inside all the time. And there were a couple years of summer carnivals. I never join the official groups that raised money for children's charities but we did send the money to the needy. My parents bought me a magic set and I learned the tricks so I could be the carnival magician and one of my friends and I also gave singing performances, using the ends of a jump rope for our microphone. But the best ideas were Mom's.

Mom came up with this plan for us to hide on the front porch with bags full of candy, like miniature Tootsie Rolls. The neighborhood kids would pay to "go fish" and throw their lines up over the rail where we would attach their prizes. Mom also got dressed like a clown, brought the bathroom scale out to the yard, and guessed weights. She was never afraid to make a fool of herself, and she never did. She was a divine clown.

Yet another thing I remember about mom was that she was both creative and thrifty. One year we didn't have enough money for Christmas. Mom showed us how to make our gifts and we sat with her and made every ornament that went on the tree that year. I loved that so much that in my older years, the first tree I had as an adult was decorated with handmade ornaments of my own. And Mom taught me to sew. She made every outfit for my dolls and the furniture for my Barbie doll house.

One last thing I'll tell you, I never in my entire life came home to an empty house. Mom worked during the lean years, but she was always home before we arrived, at least until I was in High School. In my junior and senior years, she worked in a pizzeria and hired me to work with her.

Five Lessons from Mommy

1. The More the Merrier: you can never have too many friends or too many helping hands. Never ever leave anyone out.

2. Forgive and Forget: Let the old stuff go. Forgive those who hurt you. If they make amends, get on with your relationship. If they don't, just move on. But never hold a grudge.

3. There is always someone who needs it more than you do: Get over yourself. There are not that many things in life that really matter except family and how we treat others.

4. You'll Be Better Before You Get Married: whatever your pain is, realize that it is temporary and it won't last forever.

5. Whatever You Want to Do, You Can Do: she believed in us and taught us to believe in ourselves. If we set our minds to it, there isn't anything we can't do.

Mommy, I miss you everyday. I know the last couple years were hard on you and you are now resting more comfortably. You are with my sister and Dad, and I've sent the children of friends who have passed for you to comfort because you loved children so much. Someday we'll all be together again, but for now watch over us and help me continue to live the life you wanted, the life you gave me. Love you Mom.