Bullying and Storytelling

I've been asked to present a storytelling session on anti-bullying to grades 7-12. Currently, I have a program called Walking the Line: Becoming an Ambassador for Change, which incorporates the message of anti-bullying, community involvement, and legacy building. I have presented that workshop to younger children, grades K-5, along with a teacher training workshop. My programs for older students usually have more to do with self-empowerment and I think that goes nicely hand-in-hand with stopping bullying.

Before you can work with someone on bullying, you need to understand what it is.

The Bully:
Many times the bully is not intentionally setting out to harm someone in the way we might plan ahead to go grocery shopping. The bully often has many internal issues that act out as bullying. Are there bullies who plan actions ahead? Yes. But it isn't so much that they wake up and ask "Who can I make miserable today?" It is more that they wake up and ask "How can I be successful today?" You see, most bullies are very weak. They lack self-esteem, perhaps even lack self-confidence, they are not really leaders (they lack leadership training), they do not like to be alone or act alone, they thrive on having followers, and they lack empowerment skills. The secret is what is lacking for them more than "evil" intent. Therefore asking someone to not be a bully is like asking them not to breathe. They need to learn to channel that energy and how to interact with others successfully. They need to build up self-esteem so that instead of seeing everyone as against them or better than them and being jealous, they will be happy for the successes of others. In other words, we need to get them to a point of feeling so good about themselves, what others do won't matter.

The Victim:
In some cases the victim may be like the bully. The victim may be weak and lacking in self-esteem making them easy prey for a bully who is looking for someone to push down. But unlike the bully, victims often start out feeling good about themselves in some way. The bully will look for that strength and over time take little pieces of it until the victims no longer have that strength to hold them up. On the other hand, some victims are the opposite of the bully, very strong, happy and giving which can make them vulnerable. Think of the legend of the dragon. It always has some soft spot under its scaly armor. That is the spot the bully looks for and in a strong victim it is usually easy to find because of their openness and willingness to share.

Bully and victim have a symbiotic relationship. Neither can exist without the other, and therein lies the key to stopping bullying. We have to work from both ends, helping the bully become a better person and the victim to ignore the bully. It is not enough to say "It isn't nice to bully people." Everyone will nod "yes" even the bully.

Instead we need to identify the bullies early and begin channeling all that negative energy into positive actions. Make them leaders, give them responsibilities, teach them to manipulate for the good of others rather than to puff themselves up.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that quite a few bullies could potentially have been victims instead, perhaps even victims of domineering adults. What made the difference? What turned a potential or actual victim into a bully? Success. As soon as they found someone weaker than themselves and were able to make that person react to them, they were successful. And that is what the bully craves most, success.

As far as the victims go, I still firmly believe that we should teach all children from a very young age that they can fail without being less than who they are, that they can laugh at their own failings and flaws, and that they can shrug off the stuff that is unimportant in life. That means we have to teach them what is important in life. And it doesn't hurt to throw in a few incantations such as "I am rubber, you are glue. What you say bounces off me and sticks to you."

So where does storytelling play into this. Why are more and more people asking storytellers to tell stories about bullying? Simply because if we tell people not to bully and it isn't nice they will all nod "yes" but they don't really get the message until they themselves have been placed in the situation. And what responsible adult is going to place a child in a situation where they can be bullied just to feel how it is? A storyteller will. Yes, I did say that and here's why.

In a story the characters go through the actions of bully and/or victim on behalf of the children. While the children are listening, if there is any spark of innocence or guilt or conscience in those children, the story will show them that they really want the good guy to triumph. Why? Because they want to triumph. And the bullies? Well they may want the story-bully to win but guess what? They won't. Message received, no lectures made, story comes back to the surface whenever the children need it. And the listener has been there and felt everything the characters felt all under the guidance of a storyteller who watches their reactions.

The more stories we give children, the more they have in their arsenal to assist and guide them the rest of their lives.

So all of that said, I am going to tell stories already in my empowerment repertoire but with framing statements and questions that will guide the listeners to the anti-bullying messages in the story. And I may leave the teachers with a few things for follow-up with their students. I always like cause and effect activities, where students get to play "what if" with a story.

Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnell, what if he had chided her, teased her instead of being honorable toward her? How would that have effected his knighthood and her life?

Scar Face Girl, why was she the only one who could see the mighty warrior Strong Wind?

Vasalisa, who were the bullies in the story? Was the witch a bully? How do we determine who is a bully and who is really just motivating us?

The Wooden Sword, why was the poor cobbler able to overcome the tests of the king without falling to pieces?

I think these are good questions and good stories for this program.

The program is Wednesday and was booked pretty late for me to create anything new. If I have time I may work up one of the children's stories I tell with younger children and update it, modernize and make it appropriate for older children. That is the story of the Ugly Duckling.